Hi My Loves,
Let’s talk about something we often confuse: the difference between being needed and being loved. It’s not a topic that comes up often, but it’s one I believe we should address—especially because many of us, myself included, have found ourselves in difficult situations where this distinction gets blurry.
What Does It Mean to Be Needed?
Let’s start with the definition of need—a circumstance in which something is necessary; a necessity. As women, we are often naturally optimistic and nurturing, which is why God chose us to be mothers, emotionally strong enough to handle deep feelings while maintaining our sense of self. Many of us carry hope within us—hope for a good family, a loving husband, wonderful children, and a bright future. These are all beautiful things to desire, but if we aren’t careful, hope can quickly transform into desperation.
So why do women stay with men who continually treat them poorly? If you ask, many will say, “I love him.” They’ll tell you they see a future with him, but deep down, many of these women are simply desperate for love. The truth is, the men need these women, but they don’t necessarily love them. Some women may even find comfort in controlling a broken man, knowing that his weaknesses make him easier to manage. This can provide a false sense of power and security—knowing that the man relies on them.as if controlling a broken man validates their worth.
The Male Perspective
From a male perspective, it’s crucial to recognize that a man can need a woman without truly loving her. Men, especially those who are emotionally or mentally struggling, might rely on a woman’s support when their world crumbles. They might see a good woman as a valuable asset, someone who will stick by them through thick and thin. In their minds, this woman is a source of stability, even if they are not prepared to give back the same level of commitment. Men might hold onto such a woman not out of genuine love but because they know they have a lot of internal work to do, and a dependable woman provides comfort and stability during their struggles.
These men may be aware that they have internal work to do, and they’ll cling to the woman they need because they know she’ll tolerate them when others won’t. When she tries to leave, they make temporary efforts to fix the situation, not out of love, but to keep her around. To them, it’s like having a garden full of beautiful flowers. The woman, acting as the caretaker, maintains the garden, but the man—the owner—has the power to disrupt it anytime, without considering the effort it took her to make it beautiful.
And so what is crucial is to know who you are dealing with and recognising that it is not your job to control or to fix anyone , Men are often practical, thinking more about what they gain than what they lose. They recognize a good woman when they see one, and many will hold onto her—not because of love, but because they know she’ll stick by them when times get tough.And Remember that no one will show up for you more than you.
The Essence of True Love
The Bible offers a profound definition of love. True love is not merely a fleeting feeling but an action—a choice to care for someone deeply. There’s a timeless definition of love in the Bible that goes beyond mere feelings. Love is an action, not a fleeting emotion. If Jesus had only said, “I love you,” without taking action, we wouldn’t have believed it. Instead, He showed His love by sacrificing Himself for us, defeating death to prove His commitment. So, we must not take His sacrifice for granted by choosing suffering in our relationships over the love He desires for us.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4, it says: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
The Difference Between Being Loved and Being Needed
Being loved means being valued for who you are, without conditions. It’s about being appreciated for your true self, not for what you can provide or fix. In contrast, being needed can sometimes mean you’re valued for what you do rather than who you are. While it’s natural to want to feel needed, true fulfillment comes from being loved in a way that respects and cherishes you completely.
Breaking Free from Unhealthy Patterns
To avoid confusion between need and love, focus on understanding your worth and recognizing what a healthy relationship looks like. Remember that true love is patient, kind, and selfless. It does not involve control or manipulation but is built on mutual respect and genuine care.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’re needed rather than loved, take a step back and assess the relationship. Seek guidance through prayer, reflection, or counseling. Remember, your value isn’t tied to how much you’re needed but to the love and respect you deserve.
With love,
As you navigate relationships, let’s strive for genuine love over the illusion of need. Embrace the beauty of being loved for who you are and allow yourself to be cherished in a relationship that honors your true self.
May you find peace and fulfillment in the love you deserve.
With love and strength,
Irene
